{revisit} jitterbug perfume

for the second time in my life, i am reading jitterbug perfume by my favorite author in the universe, tom robbins...

i discovered tom robbins when i was seventeen. one twinkly summer night, a mischievous paramour left the classic still life with woodpecker on my windowsill...

after reading straight through it twice, i promptly purchased and read through every other tom robbins book that existed.

those beloved stories have traveled with me for two decades. they are sitting on my bookshelf right now. recently jitterbug perfume winked at me in a jaunty way as i strolled past, so i picked it up and am devouring it once again.

tom seems to love stardust almost as much as i do, so here's a serving for you from the brilliant mr. robbins...

{shift} heart map

{star heart by selflesh}

i have been a quiet innkeeper lately.

my inner world as an artist is shifting and has required my full attention.

a challenge i have in my work: how do i continue to produce art through the shifts?

sometimes when changes occur within me, i get creatively quiet. in these moments i am unsure of what to say in my artistic space. thus, i often opt to say nothing at all.

i suspect that this choice may be a form of perfectionism.

it could also be a hibernation for meditation, a quiet wisdom-gathering mission within.

it might be a silent snail shell of protection, a place to hide out and feel safe.

it is possibly all or none of the above.

regardless of what it is, i am starting to move through it by writing this post.

and i am dropping in to say hello to you as well as to send you my love.

going forward, i will be sipping on tea and finding my footing.

as always, you are warmly invited to hang out with me here at the inn while i morph and evolve into the next version of myself.

{words} kiss the joy

various sources keep giving me the same message lately:

let go. let go. let go.

several days ago this message came from a william blake poem found in the tibetan book of living and dying by sogyal rinpoche...

{release} winter solstice

the winter solstice begins tonight.

in celebration, i offer you the following words...

in contemplation, i offer you the following video...


may you release that which is not invited into twentytwelve.

may you envision that which you wish to create in twentytwelve.

as we welcome the return of the light

may you experience the eternity

of your own truth and being.

bright beautiful solstice wishes sent to you

with so much love from the inn.

xo

{embrace} december

{winter by sandra dieckmann}

december's arrival zoomed past me last week.

everything transformed around me overnight.

the world launched energetically into its end of the year routine which caused my inner perfectionist to go bonkers.

its main message was:

you're not ready for this.

everyone else is ready for this.
you're not feeling this.
everyone else is feeling this.

this message was followed by a complex mix of emotions - frustration, excitement, overwhelm, joy, sorrow, rebellion, reflection, guilt, jubilation.

i got stuck in this particular thought vortex for several days.

then, two posts offered me helpful words:

{an intention for december via kyla roma}

{the gift of creating space via liz lamoreux}

thanks to the wonderful words of these women, i am now throwing my arms wide open to everything this last calendar page brings.

what a gift!

i want to pass this gift on to you.

i love to think of my inn as a space which transforms into exactly what you need when you walk through the door.

sweet guests, do you need to come to the inn for:

a mug of chai + a cozy warm blanket?

a festive soiree + a dirty martini + a swing record on the player?

a shoulder to cry on + a nap in a nook?

hearty soup + a crackling fireplace?

thumping club music + a sparkly dress?

warm sunshine + a book?

a magical workshop full of crafty tools + supplies?

a journal + some peaceful quiet in which to write or draw?

a drum to pound upon?

a pajama party + a giggle fest?

meditation + a massage?

a baking extravaganza?

a sacred temple + a top hat?

wine + fancy cheese + philosophy?

a place to stomp around + throw a tantrum?
a movie marathon?

a soothing lullaby?

the inn is your room of requirement...imagine it to be exactly what you need right now.

while you envision this, i am sending you:

the space to feel absolutely all of your feelings

at the end of this threesixtyfive.

the presence to savor the tiniest moments

as well as the grandest gestures

for the next few weeks.

the ability to fully exhale

the last breaths of twentyeleven.

the knowledge that all of the feelings you're feeling

are a natural part of the december experience.

and the message that

you are seen + known + loved

in your

head-to-toe

end-of-year

state-of-being

dearest friend.

{doors} field of bliss

{idea} limitless

seeing my artistic mentor julia cameron

on video for the first time last night

(she has existed only as an idea in my mind for over a decade)

and

reading a heartfelt message from a dear friend

who is in the midst of a life shift
seeking more energy and creativity

inspired me to share these words i wrote last year

during my journey through the vein of gold

which help me remember to live big...

rites of passage: the temple of transition

this shall be the last of my burning man art curation posts for this year, and i purposefully saved this one for last.

this piece is the temple of transition...

{photo by michael holden}

it was an enormous collaboration by the international arts megacrew.

the temple is...

"a place of ritual and transition, a place where we both remember and look ahead, a place of ending and beginning. 

Vaulted, lofty, and delicate, five smaller temples surround a larger central temple. Within each temple a different phase of life is marked and explored. Altars and shrines abound amongst intricately decorated archways, windows, and walkways. Peacefulness, reverence, and reflection suffuse every aspect of the temples. Everyone is welcome, it exists for everyone..."

throughout the week, thousands of people visit the temple and write messages on the walls, leave artifacts and photographs, participate in memorial services, sacred music, marriages, meditations, celebrations...

{photo by simone paddock}

on sunday night, the temple is burned to the ground...

{photo by michael holden}

spending time at the temple is always an extremely profound and emotional experience for me.

personally, i visit the temple for two important reasons: to say gooodbye and to say hello.

goodbye to humans in my life who have died. goodbye to relationships that have ended. goodbye to habits that need to go. goodbye to chapters in my life that are finished. goodbye to guilt, shame, and regret. goodbye to ways of being which no longer serve me...

{photo by michael holden}

hello to new adventures. hello to the next challenges. hello to another year on this globe. hello to fresh ideas. hello to exciting possibilities. hello to growth and change. hello to different stories, travels, journeys, friends...

{photo by mike hedge}

the process is intense and i often avoid it until the end of the week.

this year, when i went to the temple, my arrival was quite overwhelming.

approaching a structure of such scale and intention which is filled with people meditating, weeping, hugging, rejoicing, writing, praying, and processing was quite a lot for me to comprehend all at once.

it literally took my breath away.

i walked up to it and gasped. my emotional response caused me to inhale sharply and start crying instantly.

it was a relief.

and it felt lonely.

as i stood there sadly sobbing into my dusty hankerchief, a tall guy with a triangular straw hat and a rainbow scarf made eye contact with me.

he instantly saw my forlorn face and opened his arms, gently offering me an embrace.

i walked right over to this complete stranger and hugged him.

he was firmly grounded in kindness and allowed me to cry with total abandon on his chest.

i wept freely. he simply held on until i was finished. i took a deep breath, stepped back, and smiled at him. he smiled at me and silently moved on...

{photo via scott london}

it was a very special moment in my life.

after this interaction, i was able to find the strength to write my goodbyes and hellos on the walls of the temple. i took a marker, listened to the music of the gamelatron, wandered throughout the sacred space, and wrote my messages.

the whole experience was absolutely peaceful, profound, and liberating...

{photo by lorene flaming}

i wish each one of you an exquisite temple where you write your goodbyes and hellos and watch them burn.

here is a beautiful video which is a love letter to the temple...


{video via ian mackenzie}

{create} vitality

vitality is a word that has been shimmering brightly in my mind for several weeks now.

you see, my friends, i am going through a transition into something new.

the last five years have been an intense chapter for me. although there have been many wildly beautiful moments, it has been a very challenging time in my life.

i have had my head down in serious concentration, working extremely hard to survive without being carried away by the undertow of some dark, difficult things that have crossed my path...

{animus by rudrik}

an enormous amount of my energy has been devoted to my own basic survival and to other people who needed my support.

because of this, i have been carrying a huge amount of emotional weight.

this has resulted in a loss of vitality.

and lately, i have realized this and discovered that i want my vitality back...

{little me circa 1976}

in my mind, vitality is a relationship with life.

it's like any other relationship because it needs conscious attention to thrive.

i've been writing and searching and seeking for what to do to refresh and renew my relationship with vitality.

these are the simple words that keep coming up again and again when i ask for guidance:

each day, i am nurturing these things so that i can fan the glowing embers of vitality in my life into a brightly burning fire.

my dream is for the inn to be a place where vitality is nourished, restored, curated, and shared.

beautiful guests, i would absolutely love to hear any of your thoughts on vitality. how are your vital forces doing right now? what do you do to fan the flames of a meaningful or purposeful existence?

{dewdroplets} one

a cabinet of curiosities for your enjoyment...

eleanor by tuesday mourning

spicy dark chocolate coconut smoothie via always order dessert

life as a creative person is a constant dance between structure and flow. 

keep listening to when the music changes, and you'll be just fine.

via have fun * do good

a heartfelt collection of female experience via roots of she

the prague astronomical clock six hundredth anniversary show via six giraffes

wishing you a splendid weekend, my dear friends!

the alchemy of art

while sipping coffee in my studio this morning, i read taking refuge in your art by bindu wiles. it instantly inspired me to contemplate the transformative nature of creativity in my life.

bindu's words caused me to consider that turning toward my art has guided me through the darkest of times...

{makoto isshiki}

creativity has walked me through difficult chapters of death, illness, sorrow, existential angst, despair, ennui, and frustration.

making art is an essential human experience. it allows us to express how it feels to be inside this human body.

i think that creating when you are in a painful place is a catharsis similar to crying: letting it out is healing relief.

when we channel our internal conflict into something creative it allows us to know deeply that we are not alone...

{molly crabapple}

when i am feeling emotionally wrecked, my instinct is to crawl into my snail shell, retreat, hide, consume, unplug, deny.

but if i remember to turn to my art in these moments, i feel infinitely better. and amazing stuff is created in this space.

i believe that art is alchemy for the soul and that if we are brave enough to share this art, it's healing for the world...

{ashley goldberg}

beautiful guests, do you turn to your art in life's difficult moments?

{life} handling the hang time

{alex savakis}

after personally testing this theory over and over again in my life, i find it to be wildly, wonderfully accurate.

but you know what can be really scary?

the hang time.

those moments after you leap but before the net has appeared.

the space where you've jumped boldly into the air and are looking down but you don't see even a glimpse of anything that's going to catch you yet...

{wile e. coyote}

those can be heart-pounding times.

we often avoid leaping because it can be ridiculously frightening. diving into the unknown is contrary to our survival instincts.

however, i think it can also be fantastically exhilarating. and i know from my past that it produces the most awe-inspiring results.

due to decisions, changes, and shifts here at the treehouse, i am currently experiencing hang time in my world.

this floating without anything visible below has given me a burst of zippy adrenaline.

at the moment, i'm considering what sorts of things are good to do when you don't see the net yet. i know it's coming, but right now i'm simply airborne.

*gulp* 

there are some tried and true tactics that have helped me with this process in the past. meditation and writing often see me safely through the free falling.

do you have any post-leap and pre-net methods to share with this leaping innkeeper?

{perfectly imperfect} two: complicate + cancel

as an artist and a teacher, i have had a personal journey of dealing with perfectionism that i am compelled to share.

the following story is just one of the ways i have discovered perfectionism manifesting in my world.

ten years ago, i joined together with a group of friends to complete julia cameron's book the artist's way. we met once a week to connect, share, and encourage accountability.

during this time, there was one particular activity in the book that revealed an important aspect of my perfectionism...

the exact instructions for the activity:

"send postcards to five friends...send to people you would *love* to hear from."

{a bryan photo via oh lovely day}

my mind's chatter about the project:

oh, fun! i love sending mail.

first, i'll make a list of people who i haven't heard from in a long time.

(looking at the list, which feels slightly daunting)

wait, how can i send just a tiny little postcard to people with whom i haven't spoken in so long?

i know, i'll write letters instead!

well, if i'm going to write letters, i need to find some cool stationery.

(shopping for stationery that is appropriate for all five people on list)

ugh. i can't find any that works for everyone.

i know! i'll get cool greeting cards from my favorite store!

but i don't know if i'll have time to go there this week.

(procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating)

(rereading the activity the night before the meeting)

wow. it actually just says "five postcards" to "people you would love to hear from."

it does not say "people who you haven't talked to in a long time" or "appropriate stationery" or "greeting cards."

i do believe i just complicated this simple exercise to the point of not being able to complete it.

{via pixdaus}

this activity made me realize that this thought process was not an isolated incident in my life.

in fact, it helped me notice that as a very high-energy, creative person, i love to brainstorm, create, add interesting layers...but to often to the point of paralysis.

i frequently take an idea and complicate it so much that it becomes impossible to execute "perfectly" and therefore gets cancelled.

this behavior is something i observe in my drama students: so many creative kids love to augment, brainstorm, and design (all wonderful things!) but often end up with an idea too big or complicated to be "shipped" in a timely manner.

{zoetica ebb via liz haywood}

so how do i deal with this?

deadlines.

i say to my students or myself: all ideas are encouraged, all creativity is supported, all excitement is welcome - but on this day and time, the project must be done. shipped. finished.

this is such an easy thing for me to say and such a hard thing for me to do! truthfully, it's a struggle nearly every time i do it. however, i find that it's getting easier over time as i practice shipping my ideas.

my personal mantra is: finished is better than perfect. something imperfect-but-real is so much better for the world than something perfect-which-lives-only-in-my-head.

my friends, do you ever "complicate and cancel" things due to perfectionism? if so, do you have a method for dealing with it?

{perfectly imperfect} one

it was only a few years ago that i realized i might be struggling with perfectionism.

it happened when i started teaching at a school which had posters everywhere that said "it's ok to make a mistake."

as i started learning the value of this simple idea and teaching it to my students, i slowly became aware of a voice and a way of being within me that was perfectionism. as i noticed this voice, i found out that it was intense, frequently present, and quite damaging...

{ana juan via the book smugglers}

once i opened up to this idea, i started to become aware of all the ways this perfectionist chatter was hurting me as a person and as an artist.

in fact, i've been thinking about writing a series on perfectionism for at least a year. i have a whole folder of articles saved, a long list of ideas to write, and a huge amount of experience that i want to share.

and yet, i keep putting it off because i think i need to organize it, refine it, plan it, polish it, and...well, perfect it.

isn't that such delightful irony? it fits right in with "making a to-do list chalkboard" perpetually being on my to-do list...

{elizabeth webb via greyscale territory}

this morning, my perfectionist voice was active. one of the ways it functions is that it starts in with the "not good enough" script. it says things like, "you didn't get up as early as you should have. why didn't you plan your morning differently? you should have done this task yesterday. wow, you aren't doing enough and there isn't enough time and nothing is ever enough blah blah blah..."

in the middle of this stream, i suddenly noticed the voice and i said the following out loud: "stop. everything is fine. there is no problem right now. stop making drama. all is well."

and it stopped.

i noticed it, got present, and my whole morning shifted.

in this exchange, i realized that i wanted to launch imperfectly into my series on perfectionism.

today. right away. now.

so here i am.

i don't know how often i will write about it, i don't know exactly how i plan to share it, and i'm not totally certain i will be able to communicate it the way i have envisioned.

but as your devoted innkeeper, i have to follow my heart...

{sveta dorosheva}

and my heart says: start talking about your journey with perfectionism.

one of the goals of the inn is to create a magical place to unwind, talk about life, ponder, rejuvenate.

thus, i would like to know...have any of you dealt with perfectionism?

i am officially opening up this conversation and letting it breathe amongst the shimmering walls of the inn.

xo

beginner's mind

i find the following fact incredibly inspiring...

{alanna cavanagh via uppercase}

it reminds me of a quote i scribbled into a journal at least ten years ago when i was doing the artist's way by julia cameron...

as i approach the age at which julia started cooking, i am more and more amazed at the fresh new adventures that life continues to bring.

so, i am trying new skills. letting go of attempting to have life 'figured out.' reinventing myself and my work. experiencing various forms of rebirth over and over again.

in the second half of my fourth decade, i am making a conscious effort to embrace the mind of a beginner.

i think it's important to state this because the mind can play funny little games when thinking about trying something for the first time. my own brain becomes a tricksy pixie when i approach something i have never done before, especially as i get older.

which is why i want to purposefully keep that kind of thinking in check, throw caution to the wind, and journey into life's newness with an open heart.

the opinion machine

this morning at breakfast, i pondered the giant opinion machine that is the internet.

while sipping my coffee, i considered the impact it has had upon my relationship with experiencing new art, specifically music...

{salvador dali + rhino}

i was listening to a new song when a stream of dialogue entered my head. the conversation was an endless flow of voices questioning, justifying, persuading, arguing, judging, commenting, deciding, and analyzing. it was my own personal collection of imagined status updates, tweets, and posts regarding this song.

somehow, in between bites of cereal, i heard this discussion quite clearly and decided it had to stop.

i closed my eyes and imagined myself back in my childhood bedroom listening to my very first cassette tape...

i was in the third grade. using carefully saved coins, i bought the album at kmart from the bargain music bin. the cover art was the deciding factor. purple music notes playing on a stand mixer? sold.

when i was young, i loved listening to new music by myself in my bedroom. i usually had absolutely no idea what anyone else thought about it. i was geeky, clueless, and lacked MTV. i just loved what i loved, freely and with no judgment. listening to music alone in my room transported me through landscapes of feeling. it allowed me to have a personal response to music without regard for everyone else's opinions constantly pouring in on me.

this morning, i touched that time again. in my heart i felt that freedom. it was delicious. there were no itunes reviews, no snarky facebook comments, no tweets containing commentary, no posts proclaiming yay or nay, no articles with critical reviews.

it was just me and a new song over a morning meal. i felt the freedom to love without boundaries, a cherished childhood space that i adore and miss.

i plan to cultivate this experience more thoughtfully now that i have noticed its absence...